I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
