Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
