Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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