I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
