So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize