what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Randomize
