I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
