i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
