Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
