it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
