Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
