when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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