I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
