You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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