I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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