we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
