and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
