Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
