mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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