Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize