I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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