I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
