He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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