youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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