I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
