I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
