It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
