If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
