I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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