The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
