Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
