He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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