Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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