he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...