life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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