Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
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After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
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What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!