fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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