'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
