"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
