She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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