did you get engaged???
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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