I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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