I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
