3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
