i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
