i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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