TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
