I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
