trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Farmville is her only friend.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
