hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
