Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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