i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
