The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
