i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
