i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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