Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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