Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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