i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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