new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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