woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
