Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
