the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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