I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
